Let's Talk About the Hard Stuff

What I Do When My Heart is Broken

I have no idea what to say.
I have stayed mostly silent on what’s happening right now in America. That’s honestly because I really have no idea what to say. One minute I have no words, and the next minute I have a million words. I’m overwhelmed by sadness.
I am a white woman raised in a rural community, who as a teenager moved across the country, which may as well have been a whole new world. I have been a part of the majority, and I have been the outsider. After returning to that rural community as an adult, I married a black man. I have experienced first hand dirty looks, hushed whispers, and even being shunned by family because I dared to love a man with darker skin than mine. There were many places my husband wouldn’t go because, as he would plainly state, “they don’t like black people there.”
Our daughters are beautiful, and they are fiercely loved by all who know them. But I have had to have conversations with my mixed children that I will never have to have with my white bonus children. We’ve had conversations about how to handle the racist rants at a tennis match, or how to handle that Southern boy who didn’t realize that my light-skinned daughter is actually mixed, and he stopped calling once he found out.
I have experienced first hand dirty looks, hushed whispers, and even being shunned by family because I dared to love a man with darker skin than mine. There were many places my husband wouldn’t go because, as he would plainly state, “they don’t like black people there.”
My momma heart cries out when I see the pain in our nation. I am saddened for the disrespect we seem to have for one another. So while I know I can’t change the pain that we are feeling, I wanted to share how I seek comfort when times like these cause my heart to break.

We Do Not Battle Flesh and Blood

1. I remind myself that no matter what the media tells us, we do not battle flesh and blood.
There is an unseen war happening, and what we do see is just a result of it. Fighting the symptom just distracts us from the real battle, which is happening in heavenly places. If you want to know more about this, I highly recommend this study by Priscilla Shirer.

Fighting the symptom just distracts us from the real battle.

It's Okay to Be Sad

2. I remind myself that it is ok to be sad, to be in pain, to want better from my fellow human beings.
Psalm is full of examples of how David cried out to the Lord in sadness and pain. But I can’t live in that pain. I have to reach out to the Lord for His comfort, and allow Him to wrap me in His feathers and remind me Who is in control.

He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
Psalm 91:4, NKJV

I Don't Know Everything

3. I remind myself that I have probably inadvertently hurt someone without considering their point of view.
A simple definition of wisdom is to see things from the broadest point of view. But we have to remember that God’s view is far different than ours, and until we have the mind of Christ, we will always be missing something. Which means we will probably all inadvertently hurt someone because of it. I know that there are things I haven’t considered yet. That someone somewhere is facing something I haven’t even imagined. Which is why it’s vital that I pray. That WE pray.

My body is a resource that was given to me by God. It responds to the way that I treat it. When I give it good things, it thrives. When I give it bad things, it suffers. Just like the 3 servants, I see a positive or negative return based on how I treat this resource. More importantly, God can receive glory from how I treat this resource.

Do Others See Jesus?

4. I remind myself that no one will see Jesus in me if I am hateful or bitter.
No one will want to learn about my Jesus if I live in hate for (or even aloof of) people who aren’t like me. Jesus died so that all have the opportunity to be saved. Even the ones that look, think, or act different than me. If I want anyone to see Jesus in me, I have to love like He did.

If I want others to see Jesus in me, I have to love like He did.

If you have felt afraid, ridiculed, ignored, or unseen, I’m so sorry. No matter what mankind says or does, I pray that you know how loved you are and Who you belong to.
We have to get on our knees. We have to reach out our hands and love others – no matter what they look like, no matter what they believe, no matter what they say. We are to love others so they see JESUS, not us.

As a bonus, a pic of my sweet girls putting this plaque we made at their father’s grave. Today would have been his 41st birthday.
And because I know someone will ask, yes, they have the same dad. 😉

Want more like this? Subscribe to our email list to be the first to know when new blog posts drop!